Week 1

Monday 2^nd May 2022

What a strange day! There I was beating my brother up and suddenly these two humans came into the house, had a chat with the usual humans and then proceeded to gently pick me up & carry me down the long front path, where my brothers, sisters and I never go. The usual family seemed a little sad and said goodbye to me, and the new humans placed me in a cage in the back of a car. I’ve been in one of these a couple of times previously and I’m not sure I enjoyed the experiences as both times involved needles – once to test my ears and the other for vaccinations & microchips… I feel a little nausea at the thought…

The journey was long, and I slept most of the way. I was awoken as we started down a bumpy track. I caught glimpses of trees from the window and could hear other dogs barking. Thankfully the new humans rescued me, as I’m embarrassed to say I had been a bit car sick on the way. I was soon cleaned up & digging into some much-needed grub. As I ate, I took in my surroundings and the two new humans. It all seemed nice enough, so I felt myself relax. 

The new humans told me I was going to meet my new brother. I was picked up and I could not believe my eyes when four screeching aliens appeared before me! My mother had specifically told me aliens didn’t exist and to think about things logically, but it was hard to do so with the writhing noisy dog-worms jumping around us. I hid my nose under the arm of the girl holding me and prayed for the best. 

We went for a little walk and the excitement subsided. I was watching one larger dog-worm who was bubbling over with happiness and whizzing around as fast as his legs could go. The other three dog-worms were taken away and the girl, larger dog-worm and I remained at the field. We mooched around a little and I was carefully placed on the floor. The dog-worm smelt of dog and approached me to sniff me in return. I tried placing my paw on him to check he was real, and he growled at me, a frightening sound. The other human reappeared and we sat in the field, and I tried speaking to him again, but he didn’t seem to appreciate me touching him. I couldn’t help but like the look of him though as he ran around in joy, and he seemed to particularly like the girl who had been holding me too.

We went inside the house and the humans had mugs of tea. I kept watching the dog-worm whose name I was realised was ‘Darwin’. He also seemed to be watching me, warily observing. He came closer and stood stiffly, growling a little. I cowered a little in fear – who knows what these alien dogworms are capable of?! 

Suddenly, he wiggled his butt at me, wagging his tail, a gesture I could appreciate as plain as day: the invitation to play. A wonderful game of chase ensued with delightful butt wiggling, laughter, and scampering glee. He’s obviously a kind dog-worm and not as alien as I first envisioned. The humans said he didn’t really play with other dogs like this, so I felt privileged to be able to hang out with him.

Later the girl put Darwin & I were back in the car, and we were taken to a different house. It smelt strange and I met another human. I realised the girl was called Steph & the other human Terry. 

As the evening closed in, I was placed in a crate in their lounge. I was so tired I fell asleep instantly.

Tuesday 3^rd May 2022

My first proper day in this new life. I slept pretty well last night and only woke a couple of times and not for very long. I just forgot where I was the first time but could hear Darwin breathing deeply in his sleeping bag in the crate next to mine, so realised I was safe and not alone quickly. The second time I needed the bathroom but again I settled back into sleep easily afterwards. I think jetlag from our long journey yesterday really knocked my paws off.

The morning was a regimented procedure. I was allowed out to play for a while, then I was given some treats and put back in my crate whilst Darwin went for his ‘morning constitution’, out the front door. When he & Steph returned, Darwin was put in his crate for a delicious smelling breakfast, and I was hand fed my own breakfast in the garden by Steph. It was so tasty that I nearly accidentally nibbled her hands as well! 

 Once Steph had finished her cup of tea, Darwin & I were bundled back into the car and arrived back down the bumpy, tree ladened track. Darwin explained this place was a dog kennels and Steph’s Mum (the other new human) & Dad owned it. 

I was placed in a pen next to the other three dog-worms from yesterday. Darwin went in the pen with the three dog-worms. He explained they were his Grandad, Mum & Sister. I politely said hello through the bars and was relieved to find that the other three dog-worms seemed just as nice as Darwin, although Grandad-Dusty was a little stern and grumpy.

Steph disappeared off to work. Darwin explained she has a new job and so must go into the office to concentrate. We were left to play at the kennels for the day. I had so much fun meeting the humans that worked at the kennels and learning more about the dog-worms. 

When Steph collected us that evening, she also collected a bigger crate for me. It replaced my current crate, and I was glad to see there was space away from my bed, just in case of accidents. 

Wednesday 4^th May 2022

Slept a bit better last night, although my bed was hard and lumpy. It just consists of some pieces of snug rug. I had a couple of accidents and I’m embarrassed to say I managed to walk in it. It reduced me to tears but luckily Steph came to my rescue. I’m not sure I really wanted a rinse down in the kitchen sink with some hibiscrub & warm water, but at least it got rid of the horrid smell.

Afterwards Steph & I played with a thing called a ‘snuffle matt’. Mine’s in the shape of a big yellow sunflower. I love it! It’s such fun sniffing out biscuits in amongst it’s soft inviting ruffles. I felt pretty tired afterwards though, so enjoyed a nap when I got to the kennels. It didn’t last very long though, as Darwin was allowed to hang out with me in my pen today. I got a little bit over excited about this mind you… I jumped up at Darwin whilst he was sat on the bed, nipping at him with glee and he sternly told me that he didn’t appreciate this – Oops! 

I felt a bit sad about this and had a little sulk. Steph’s Mum kindly provided us with a second bed. I played ‘shark’ around this, imagining my brothers and sisters were on top and I was the shark, waiting to get them in the dark murky ocean. A fierce game, but I wanted to show Darwin I didn’t mean to hurt him earlier.

Joy as that evening my accommodation was upgraded further! There was a comfy small round bed in the corner that I’d had my eye on. My bed from last night was in the wash so this cushty little round bed was put in my crate instead. The bed smelt of the strange smell I’d noticed when I first arrived. At dinner time I was surprised to notice two ghost demons’ flit through the room, briefly visit a chest of drawers with some food bowls on top and then silently vanish back upstairs again…

Thursday 5^th May 2022

I slept blissfully last night! The best nights sleep I’ve had so far. I did still have a couple of accidents, but they were the other end of my crate, well away from my lovely bed. 

When we were in the garden one of the ghost-demons appeared – a large fluffy white one. Darwin told me he’s called ‘Oliver’. Oliver proceeded to come in the garden to eat some grass. The second, a black & white ghost-demon appeared in the doorway, a serious unsmiling expression on his face. He regarded me from the other side of the flynet that hangs in the doorway. I wagged my tail at him in a friendly fashion, but he fizzed at me and ran off. How rude! I guess he doesn’t want to be friends then. Darwin said they are a pair of Greek guys and that they are really friendly when you get to know them, although he warned me that Dodge can be a bit fierce at times.

The usual routine was in play today as Darwin, and I went to the kennels whilst Steph went to work. That evening was different though. Steph’s Dad & brother were around, so we spent some happy hours chilling at the end of the field. There was something interesting called a fire and I was able to fully absorb all the sights and smells of the field. I watched Dar who explained he was watching out for squirrels, rabbits, and deer. I’ve no idea what any of those look like but I catch a sniff of them from time to time. I can’t wait until I see them!  

We were there for awhile and I couldn’t help but feel sleepy. I was kindly provided with a cardboard box with a cushion in it for a nap. Dar mentioned something about him enjoying laying in it to avoid the smoke from the fire sometimes. Dar and I took turns between sitting on Steph’s lap and using the cardboard box. It was a lovely, chilled evening. I wouldn’t have minded sharing the box with Dar, but he didn’t seem up for that just yet.  

Friday 6^th May 2022

Today was another slightly different day. Steph was doing something called ‘Working from home’ which meant that Darwin and I got to stay home with her all day. It was lovely. We chilled out in our crates and had regular garden & play breaks, in between Steph sitting at a desk working on a computer. That bit was a bit dull, but I napped to pass the time. 

I glimpsed Oliver & Dodger occasionally creeping down to visit their food bowl, and also saw Fluffy cat in the garden. Darwin explained her real name is ‘Custard’ and she’s a neighbour’s cat that likes to come to visit him. She seemed very wary and didn’t come too close, a wild tortoiseshell, with a look of disdain in her eye. 

When work was done, we went for another car ride. This time it was to the vets. I was greeted by a welcoming man who picked me up to speak to me. I wasn’t phased at all and gave him a friendly nibble in greeting. All was going well, although I wanted to go on the floor with Darwin to play. I tried telling Steph, but she didn’t listen, so as a final attempt I leapt towards the ground of my own accord, resulting in the ground coming up faster than I anticipated and landing on my nose. 

Luckily the kind vet was there to check me over and, if I’m honest and very luckily, my pride was hurt the most. When can I be treated like a fierce big dog like Darwin, rather than carried around like a mere lapdog? Mind you, maybe it’s for the best I am carried if I’m going to be so clumsy. Not sure what the going price is for nose jobs… 

Saturday 7^th May 2022

My first weekend at home. Saturday morning consisted of chilling in my bed listening to some strange noises, apparently called washing machine, tumble dryer, and hoover. It was no biggie really; I spent my time rolling around in my bed pretending to be a dragon fighting the noisy beasts and roaring from time to time. I feel assured that if a battle commenced between the washing machine, tumble dryer or hoover demons, I would come out on top. 

Later we went for a drive. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in the car initially so shouted in protest, but we stopped a few times, so I just decided to tap my paw and wait until the fun began. We stopped briefly at a park and from the car I could hear the ducks and saw some people. Then we stopped at Tesco, and I ate my lunch whilst listening to the hustle and bustle of people, shopping trollies and glass recycling. I must admit I shouted the first time I saw a shopping trolley, strange rattly creations, but, in the end, lunch was more important – obviously! 

After we went back to the kennels and hung out up the field with Steph’s Dad, Brother & her Brothers Boyfriend. By that point I was cream crackered, so I had a nap in the cardboard box bed there. I pretty much missed the whole party but man, I was tired. There’s just so many new sights and sounds to absorb and I want to experience it all.

Sunday 8^th May 2022

I thought Sunday was meant to be the day of rest?! Evidently not for this family. Terry had given us a lift home last night, I got to travel in the van. A fascinating experience as I got to see out the windows. I miss so much travelling in the cage in Steph’s car!

This meant that we had to collect Steph’s car first thing. Whilst we were there, we also saw Steph’s Mum and the other three dachshund friends. We went for a little wonder up the field and had a photo shoot together. Probably some of the easiest treats I’ve ever worked for, maybe modelling should be a career path to consider! The bluebells in the background certainly brought out the colour of my coat! Although it did feel quite challenging having to stand still when I just wanted to copy Darwin’s happy dance and zoom around. 

After lunch off we went for another car ride (car rides are so very boring but at least they seem to mostly end in something good… when it’s not the vets of course). The new venue was all very posh.

Apparently, we were visiting the Queens’ Garden, or so Darwin told me. There were lots of ancient knobbly trees, sunshine, and greenery. It was all rather beautiful. Darwin was particularly excited, although he pulled a face at the harness he had to wear.

I watched what was going on from the car but was fascinated to see Darwin sniff a car door handle (he had to be lifted for this activity, much to my amusement) and then tow Steph off into the distance. Later they explained this was ‘Mantrailing’ and Dar was following the scent of a woman, who was hiding somewhere with his pot of treats. Intriguing behaviour, Dar is so clever being able to remember the woman’s scent in his mind and how he doesn’t get distracted by all the other smells is beyond me. Just from the car I could smell more deer, pheasants, other dogs, and people. I can’t wait to be able to get on the floor and experience all this for myself. Mantrailing seems like a hoot too, I wouldn’t mind having a go.  

Overall, it was a fun outing and again I succumbed to sleep by the end of it. Hope I didn’t miss too much! I was disappointed not to see Her Royal Highness herself but maybe next time we will. I can’t believe how much has happened in just my first week in this new life. I’m looking forward to a quiet day tomorrow whilst Steph is to work. Time to think about everything that’s happened so far and catch up on some much needed ‘Z’s.