Steph Morrow Shenanigans

I’m reposting this as someone I know said it resonated with them.

I deleted it as thought it might be too deep or personal…

But here you go world, have it back:

Tonight’s thoughts….

Someone I know posted about ADHD and RSD.

I’ve always felt like an outsider. I’ve struggled making friends.

Struggled keeping them too.

For a long time, I’ve wondered if I have Bi Po D.

Recently I’m like, does my obsession with colours and patterns and ordering things actually mean I’m autistic.

And taking things a bit too literally sometimes…

Misunderstanding people…

Then recently ADHD has reared its head.

Would explain my impulsiveness, I guess.

I am tired.

There’s no straightforward ‘diagnosis’ path.

And if you go that route, am I just putting a label on what a pain in the arse I can be.

I wouldn’t want to give myself an excuse.

Contraception has been a massive issue.

Fuck My Life.

The injection made me crazy. I’ve tried various pills. I feel better without it, but I can’t trust myself without it either.

Or anyone else.

I don’t want any medications anyway.

But I’d love to understand myself better.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria resonates with me.

It’s not just goodbye to me.

It’s a failure as a person.

I wasn’t enough.

Something I’ve done wasn’t good enough and I should have tried better.

Should try harder.

Depending on the point of things me trying harder can make things worse ):

I’ve always felt that no one understands the magnitude of how I feel in those moments.

It wasn’t like ‘Oh I’m sad I got dumped’

It was like the end of my future has just plummeted off a dark cliff and I’m soon to follow,

In the dark and rain.

My heart and feelings slipping the same way.

The Balrog sucking you down without meaning to follow.

It’s so hard to explain to others that feel things in a ‘normal’ way

When, when I say I feel like dying and this is breaking me

I truly mean it.

Is this just normal and I’m being over dramatic?

Is it Bi Po, Autism or ADHD

Or am I just mad.

We’re all mad here though. – Quoting Alice in Wonderland, in case anyone doesn’t know lol

I dunno that it’s normal at any r8

Let you know if I figure it out….

🖤